Friendships hit a rocky patch after having a baby
This post is published as an article in Mycity4kids too!
To read it on Mycity4kids click here
Having a baby not only changes you physically, but it takes a toll on your social life as well. There were times I was always available for all my friends who reached out to me. Things have changed so much that I have many ‘fading friendships’. Taking care of an exploring toddler eats up most of my time. I am sure once you read this you might be able to relate.
That little cute bundle of joy can turn your world upside down and your priorities gradually change. A Whatsapp reply or a Skype call can be overtaken by a diaper change baby or a hungry toddler. Our human species do not have this attribute to stand in ones shoes to judge a person. We have all kinds of opinions to think that the other person has just pushed them away.
A new mom with no help, has to look after the baby all alone, day in and out. That is not an easy task. It includes prepping, feeding, bath time, poop time, tantrum time, reading time so on and so forth. They will have a busy day where there is hardly any time for themselves. When they get, little do they want to stick around with a phone texting people instead of doing something that relaxes their mind.
It’s been two years now and I do not remember the last time I went to a party or the last time I got decked up or the last time I wore a stiletto. Let this alone, I do not remember the last time I had a date with my husband. I can say pretty much everything has changed and when I say that, I am not guilty about it. A better thing has substituted all of this for me.
I do not have the same circle of friends like I had a few years back. Time changes and so do people. That is because my phone has become the least priority. I hardly call people to check on them because a tiny human keeps me on my toes.
Some friends have parted because I had no common topics to talk. Eventually they would get so disinterested with my endless talks of what my baby did the whole day. They looked fatigued. To all those fading friendships, I just have a small confession to make. I did not let you go for what a person you are. There were many other priorities which did not allow me to interact further. May be the day you called I had a sleeping baby beside or maybe I had passed out after a really long day.
Having said that true friends stick around no matter what or you make new friends who have a similar story like yours. That’s how I found some.
My mall visits has changed over to the library and park visits.
My phone time has changed over to my baby activity time.
Even when I go out to take a break, leaving my daughter with my husband, I will not have the peace of mind. My mind and heart joggles around my baby. I feel no one else can be the best and take care of her like I do. This prevents me from being that social person. I do not regret that. That is my personal choice, another mother may not be what I am and that is OK.
Let us not judge anyone for the decision they take. Let us not throw our opinion on how someone else has changed after a baby. May be the baby wanted attention more than you. Your vent/rant/happy news could wait.
Here is my sincere request:
Never judge if she doesn’t come to meet you often, she might be stuck with a cranky baby.
Never sulk if you do not get a reply from her immediately, she might be having a quick nap with her sleeping toddler after a rough day
Never brood if she doesn’t invite you over to her place, she might have a messy house and no time to cook.
Never frown that she is not there for you, she might have a sick kid at home.
Never scowl that she did not come shopping with you, she might have a clingy baby who hates large crowd.
Never grump that she did not wish you on your birthday, she might have a pediatrician appointment the same day.
Lastly, do not ponder why she hasn’t called you in a while instead you give her a call, she might love catching up ( in my case if the phone is not in silent mode)
Did you have fading friendships too? How did you feel about it? Share your thoughts below in the comments.
Until next time…