Masters or a Baby : A never ending war within
After 2 years of marriage, and moving to a whole new country, leaving behind my career was a hard thing to do. My days were so monotonous with endless TV series, shopping, meeting friends. I never thought of something productive. I would laze around all day on the couch like a potato. While I just frittered away my precious time, my friends were pursuing their Masters. I was struck by a storm of thoughts about (peer pressure you know) why I am not utilizing the opportunity of being a dependent visa holder. I still remember that phase of deciding between a career or a baby. It was a never ending war inside me.
I had loads of questionnaires on how to go about it. I did all my research and got my GRE and TOEFL scores to begin with. Then started the brainstorming thoughts of which college? Tuition fee? Will I do justice by asking my husband to pay for it? After a lot of yes and no’s in my mind, I decided to get a student loan for my masters. By the time I settled over a plan, it came as a shock to me that most of the colleges I had applied for was past the deadline.
A wait for whole another year for the next admission process. I do not know if it was my negligence or was it a sign for me to look through the tunnel for the light. I was in tears that nothing works for me like it does for others. That’s when we decided to have a baby.
That’s when I understood things will never go as we planned. I anyway had a year to push for my masters and so I thought why not? At that point, I just thought it’s a phase and I am getting over with it pretty early than others (trust me when you read this). A part of me said go for it but somewhere I always had a thought if I would be able to do justice.
Being a 25 year old then, I was so skeptical about being a mother. I had so many unanswered questions all over my head!
“Will I be able to give my best for the child?”
“Will I be a good mother?”
“Can I look after the child all alone without anyone’s help in an unknown country?”
“Am I ready?”
“Is my career done?”
I had a few inspirations around me where one of my acquaintances had completed a masters after having two kids, another friend of mine was pursuing with a long semester break for spending time with her child. I thought maybe it’s not impossible.
Against all the odds, I decided for the best. Like many other people who have their priorities and phases of life planned, like, it has to be education, career, marriage, child and so on, I had mine. I decided I wanted to have a baby as I always wanted to be a mother when I had all the time in the world for them. With a few raised eyebrows I was pretty sure of what I was getting into.
All I did was made my dream wait a bit longer. Masters could always wait but not my journey being a mother. My career can always come back strong, but not my time with the newborn.
Only after my daughter was born, I knew what a content feeling it was. It was not a wrong decision I thought. Still young, I have all the energy to take care of her all alone. I have a long time ahead now to achieve my goals and dreams.
Now that she is independent and a little older I can do what I always wanted to. Yes, now I am rewriting my GRE and TOEFL (unfortunately the earlier ones expired) and applying for colleges for the next term. I might be lagging behind in my professional checklist. So be it, education has no age limit like they always say. Career is everything to do with hard work for which I am prepared for.
Lastly, as most of my friends reach what the society perceives as a child rearing age, I have one advice. Have a baby for the right reason. Don’t have a baby because your mom thinks so, don’t have a baby because its time and please don’t have a baby because a baby will mend your disturbed marriage. Also, don’t have a baby just because you think you MUST have one. Raising a child is the biggest responsibility you will ever get. That’s a responsibility you (read both the parent) should be available round the clock. I am glad I took a right decision and I still stand by it.
So what do you think is your priority? Do you have a similar story, then share it below in the comments. Lets share our point of views so that it might help another mom-to-be or father-to-be.
Sayonara! Until next time….